Meet the Counsellor: Laura Brown

Anxiety, worry, and fear are an interesting kettle of fish.  As a therapist, I spend several hours of my week talking to folks just like you about such things.

Many common themes run through the diverse stories of anxiety that I help people explore.  A big one is that folks feel isolated, alienated, and alone in their relationships with anxiety...which makes their anxiety even worse!

This post - my very first blog post under Heart & Oak Therapy - is an intentional challenge to anxiety on two important levels:

First, it is a direct challenge to my own anxieties and fears around expressing myself in a public forum.  I have thought about blogging for a long while, but have always felt afraid of putting myself out there.

Second, by acknowledging in this very public way that I have felt anxious expressing myself to the world, I am challenging the idea that you are alone in your feelings of anxiety, worry, and fear.  From here on, my commitment to blogging is an expression of solidarity with all people who experience anxiety.

I am standing with those who wish to take action in any way, but feel stifled by fear.

About This Blogger

So who is this quirky counsellor writing at your from across the internet? When I really think about it, I guess I'm a whole bunch of things. Just like you, there are many parts that make up my identity.

I'll start with the light and fluffy stuff.

I have a deep love for all things cute, sweet, and pretty. This is probably why I'm obsessed with my cats, Roxy and Ernie (not to mention cats in my neighbourhood, and cats on the Internet...don't even get me started on kittens!)

I am a highly visual person, and I like to think of myself as creative.  Awe heck, there I go minimizing my talents - a classic hallmark of anxiety showing up.

Let me try that again: I am a creative person!  In another life I would have been on stage acting or performing in some way. And if I'm totally honest, I am still wishing that an opportunity will somehow fall into my lap to be on Saturday Night Live!

Most psychologists would diagnose me with a reality television addiction. I like to tell myself it's research into the human psyche, human relationships, and a critical exploration of our dominant culture.

Fun, love, and happiness are three primary driving forces in my life. I am currently at a place where I am privileged to see the silver lining in most things, have fun even in serious moments, and feel love and compassion for those I see as acting in hateful or hurtful ways. It hasn't always been that way for me, but this is a testament to the fact that things can get better when we work on them.

My Therapeutic Journey

For the sake of transparency, I want to let you know that for a long period of my life (a good 15 years or so), I struggled to hold onto happiness for any sustained stretch of time. Some would (and did) diagnose me with having depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder.

After working tirelessly on myself for years through a diverse range of therapies and reading a library worth of self-help books, I have finally come to recognize that the problem isn't me, and it never really was.

I do not have any mental illnesses, I am not broken, I am not crazy, I am not a depressed individual, or an anxious individual, or a disordered person - statements that can reduce us to an essence and ignore exceptional qualities that don't fit those labels.

I do not define myself or others in these terms because I no longer believe that most people are sick in the head (mainstream psychology would have us thinking otherwise).

Instead, I believe that the culture and world we live can be a really challenging place for a of a lot of people, and most people are doing the best that they can to respond to the adversity in their lives.

I now believe that instead of having a psychological disorder called depression, I was legitimately sad that I felt like an outsider and felt I didn't belong to a group of loving, caring peers.  My sadness was an expression of profound dissatisfaction.

Instead of having an illness called anxiety, I was legitimately worried about being able to take care of myself and being independent after the security offered to me from my parents.

Instead of having a disorder called bulimia, I found a way to soothe my worries and sadness with food while avoiding gaining weight, and allowing myself to better fit society's ideal standards of female beauty.

Having had these experiences in life, it makes sense that I chose the profession I'm in now, because I get it.

I can relate to a lot of the feelings and challenges that the folks I work with want to talk about. And my hope is to have useful conversations that help people to experience life in ways that feel better, however that may look for them.

How I Became a Therapist

My first dream was to become a politician or international lawyer in hopes of changing the world for the better. (Ok, ok, so my true first dream was to be an academy award winning movie star...) However, in my learnings I came to realize that I might have to sell my soul to be able to get anywhere in my career. Upon realizing this, I started to think about what I really enjoyed doing, and it came to me that I loved talking with people and offering them some sort of help and comfort. I also thought that it might be somewhat in line with my big headed idea that I could somehow change the world.

So off I went to the psychology department and enrolled myself in class after class that studied various mental health and behavioural conditions that people struggle with. Multiple choice exam after exam tested my knowledge on what conditions were genetic and which were environmental (Let me save you some time and money: most studies suggest it's 50/50). I was fascinated by all of the so-called symptoms that people were afflicted with, and secretly diagnosed family members and friends with various conditions. I was confident that I could "fix" myself and the other folks who fell outside of the bell curve.

Soon enough I was ready to embark on my journey to learn the ins and outs of counselling: the tool I would use to fix all of these "sick" people. Little did I know that I would come to realize that all of my "expert" knowledge of mental illness would stand in stark contrast to the new insights and perspectives that I was offered. A short summary of these insights include:

• The parallel qualities shared between colonialism and psychology;
• People at all times act in ways to preserve their safety and dignity in response to acts of oppression against them;
• The ways in which people respond to challenging experiences can sometimes look like symptoms of mental health diagnoses, and make a lot of sense when exploring the context of people's lives;
• The things that other people say and do after we have challenging experiences plays a role in how we might respond to such experiences.

Given where I am at in my life now, I work hard not to define myself as an expert on other people's life experiences. I kindly correct my mother when she refers to me as a psychologist (she means well). I like to think of myself as someone who is striving for social justice, and I hope to provide the most useful, helpful, and dignifying service to the people I work for directly, and for my community overall. For people who need an ally, I work hard to help them feel heard, supported, accepted, and strive for our conversations to hold a fine balance between being serious and light-hearted (or even fun).

I am seriously passionate about people experiencing great happiness, acceptance, love and satisfaction in their relationships with their bodies or to intimate partners. For me, this means being a bit of a detective and learning the ins and outs of these relationships, and working with people to make sense out of how things came to be the way they are. From this point, I believe that space opens up for a change in perspective or behaviour that aligns with people's initial goals before seeking therapy.

How Can I Help You?

How will you know if I am going to be a good fit as a counsellor for you? Well, I can tell you I'm your gal if:

• You're comfortable with a light-hearted approach to therapy;

• You want to feel heard and have your feelings and experiences validated;

• You want to reach new understandings of your problems and experiences;

• You're looking for someone you can be real with, and who will be real with you.

I love hear from new people, and would be thrilled if you think it might be helpful to drop me a line. I love answering questions and having rich conversations, so don't feel shy about getting in touch.

Have something to say? Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email!

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If you'd like to talk more about how I can help you

Meet The Counsellor: Will Bratt

Your relationship with your therapist is essential for doing good counselling work.

Because you’re an individual with your own preferences, experiences, personality, and interests, you’re totally unique when it comes to what kind of therapist will work best for you.  There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all counsellor, so finding someone who complements you where it counts is key.

I wrote this post to make that process easier for you.  This is one way of helping you get a better sense of who I am as a person, beyond just my counselling approach, so that it’s easier for you to sense how we might fit together.  Most of the information I’ll provide is based on common questions people ask me during free consultations.  If this inspires any more curiosity from you, don’t hesitate to drop me a line or leave a comment below!

Why I’m a Therapist

I’ve been a helper in some capacity for the vast majority of my life.  Growing up, I’m the person my friends came to when they needed someone who would listen without judgment.  I’m the person others would turn to when they didn’t know where else to go.  This role has been an honour for me to play in the lives of those I care about, and it has taught me a lot about how to be a steady source of support.

Helping Through Music

As surprising as it may be, one of the ways I experienced being particularly helpful to others before becoming a counsellor was through my time as a musician.

From the ages of 16 to 26, I was the front man of a small handful of bands based first out of Regina, SK (where I grew up), and then out of Victoria, BC.  The music I’ve been most passionate about throughout the formative years of my life is punk rock, which I love for its social conscience and straightforward messages.  The ethics of inclusiveness and social justice are as important to me now in my work as a therapist (as you can see in our Heart & Oak values) as they were in my time as an active punk rocker.

The band I had the most profound experience playing in toured across Canada and parts of the US, giving me insight into the diverse ways of life of people on this continent.  I sang lyrics that were both personal and critical of problematic social norms, and I was often approached by folks at shows who found those messages helpful to them in some way.  Those affirmations were like fuel in my tank: they inspired me to keep moving forward with passion.  The same is true today: when people find their work with me to make a difference, I feel excited to help more people!

Becoming a Professional Counsellor

In my early 20’s, it came time for a change of scenery.  I had just finished my undergraduate degree in Psychology and was ready for something new.  I packed up my life, landed in Victoria, BC, and started taking steps toward becoming a skilled counsellor.

My next destination was a Master’s degree, which I blazed through in two years.  It was an intense amount of work in that short timeframe, but I came out the other end with skills that were far more advanced than what I started with.

It was also through my graduate studies that I connected with the communities that would inform my theoretical orientation.  Both Narrative Therapy and Response-Based Practice appealed to my passion for social change.  These schools of thought got me excited to help people on the individual level and beyond.  I remain actively engaged in local and international professional communities, where I both learn and teach inspiring new ideas with other counsellors, community workers, and activists.

Passions and Interests

You, like many people, may feel it’s important to know a bit more about a counsellor before you’re ready to trust them with really personal stuff.  In order to get a better sense of who I am, a lot of people find it helpful to ask to ask me about what I’m interested in outside my work as a therapist.

Letting Loose

There’s no time I’m happier in my life than when I’m free to be light hearted and silly.  I’ve always embraced my sense of humour, which has proven to be a source of great joy for me.  Although I am a grounded, level-headed person, I love absurdity and satire, and weirdness in general. 

While I certainly find it to be true that we can connect through hardship and seriousness, I also value humour for the very same reason.  Laughter brings people together, it helps us lower our guards, and allows us to find common ground with people who might otherwise be strangers.  Although it’s often not appropriate for me to crack jokes left and right when facilitating a counselling session, this part of my identity helps me to be more laid back and approachable to people seeking therapy in Victoria BC.

Fur Babies

Pets are an essential part of the lives of many, and I’m no exception to that!  The two cats I share with Laura Brown bring more joy and entertainment into my life than I ever thought possible.  Indulge me a moment while I tell you about them:

Roxy is a 10-year-old tabby/Maine Coon cross, who is super gentle and laid back.  She’s a bit of a treat fiend, and will follow us around the house looking at us expectantly any time we go into the kitchen.  She mostly likes her space, and can be kind of shy when company’s around, so it’s a real honour if she climbs up onto your lap for some attention.

Ernie is a year and a half old kitty with a very interesting personality.  He can be the cuddliest, chilled out little guy, and he can be an utter menace.  If he’s not passed out some place soft, he’s running laps around the house, just itching to hunt and catch something.  We try to support him in following his instincts, but have come home to some disturbing scenes that I’ll spare you the details of.

In short, having pets has made my life lighter, richer, and so much more interesting.  I have first-hand experience of the comfort and value a pet can bring if you ever come home after a difficult day.

Family, Friends, and Community

People who get to know me learn quickly that I value relationships in a big way.

This is something that not only brings meaning to my life, but also helps me to be a dedicated therapist.  Because I care deeply about people and my relationships with them, I go the extra mile to be as helpful as I can be – both personally and professionally.

I think of relationships like the springs on a trampoline: the more you have, the easier it is to bounce back when life gets heavy.

In my personal life, I care deeply about giving generously to those I’m close to.  I’ve been lucky enough to be surrounded by others who do the same, which creates a sustainable balance of reciprocity and support.  This nourishes me in so many ways (many of which I’m sure are beyond my awareness): it contributes to my sense of acceptance and belonging, and helps me feel useful in the world I live in.

I find that the many relationships and roles in my life balance each other out beautifully.  While my counselling work offers me space to engage with others in clearly defined ways on more serious issues, my connections with friends and family allow me to be more light-hearted and jovial.  This is a key ingredient in the sustainability of my work.

One other thing I’ll mention is that contrary to common assumptions, I find it really uplifting to have the kinds of conversations I’m lucky enough to have with people seeking therapy.  Many people have asked me how I’m able to do this work (which can be really heavy).  The truth is, the rich opportunities that I’m given to be helpful fill my heart with gratitude, joy, and an appreciation for life.  I’ve written about the myth that we inherently burden others when we ask for help (read more about that here), as I experience it quite differently: It’s an uplifting honour to be in service to others, and to know that other have my back when I need it.

Finding Connections Where It Counts

I hope this post was useful in helping you get a better sense of how we might fit together.  By knowing more about where I come from, I hope you can feel more confident with taking your next step forward, no matter what you think that should be.

If this post inspired any curiosity, feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment.  Of course, if you’d like to meet for a free 30-minute consultation, click the button below and I’ll be happy to take that step with you.